Report Cards From Arnold

When Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that he would be a candidate in California's unfortunate and wrong 2003 recall election, I was worried that he would win and very rapidly become a joke. And I was right. Go me.

That shouldn't be taken to be a slight against Schwarzenegger, who I like quite a bit. Arnold goes out of his way to avoid being a mealy-mouthed asshole like most Republicans, who are genetically incapable of getting elected in places where incest isn't more popular than baseball.

What I mean to say is that California itself is a joke, and the overwhelming majority of the population are half-wits, retards and Lindsay Lohan. Those fucking people have spent the last thirty years voting themselves tax cuts and massive entitlement programs, yet constantly bitch about everything being an epic mess.

There are few ways to describe people like that that don't include the words "fucking stupid." Governing 36,756,666 autistics can't be easy, but Schwarzenegger made an admirable effort. I'd give him an "A" for effort.

The only problem is that governance isn't something you grade on effort. You succeed or you fail. Period. That's why I found Arnold's assessment of President Obama's performance deeply and truly weird.

Asked to give Obama a grade as the end of the president’s first year in office approaches, Arnold Schwarzenegger, California’s Republican governor, gave Obama high marks.

“When it comes to effort, [Obama] should get a straight A,” Schwarzenegger told CNN Chief National Correspondent John King in an interview that aired Sunday on State of the Union.

“He’s out there with tremendous energy and he’s selling his ideas. And he has great enthusiasm there. He’s a great speaker, a great communicator.”

He's also turned his presidency over to inept hacks like Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, who only came to power because the Republicans were so twisted by 2006 that they needed help screwing on their fucking pants in the morning. Since becoming president, Barack Obama hasn't led on a single issue. Not one. Continuing a bunch of his predecessor's more bizarre policies and letting the mongoloids in the congressional leadership dictate the rest of his agenda isn't something anyone should give an A to ... unless you're discussing how best to ruin the country.

Besides, "effort" might be the single dumbest thing in the world to grade. Something tells me that James Buchanan wasn't hoping to be a massive failure of a president. He just happened to be wrong about everything and name a Cabinet full of traitors. If I didn't know that Dick Cheney had gone batshit fucking crazy in the summer of 2000, I can't blame George W. Bush for not knowing that, either. While I do blame Bush for being a moron, I don't think that he was consciously trying to destroy America. It just sort of worked out that way.

Even if you want to grade something as intangible as President Obama's intentions, you can only give them high marks for being psychotic. Any honest study of his policies thus far can only lead one to think that Obama's trying to spend his way into solvency. A number of presidents have tried that without success, and trying twice as hard isn't going to make the results any better.

Obama looks good to people like Schwarzenegger only because Obama's opponents are such drooling dipshits. The Tea Party folks are completely ignorant of America's history between 1776 and this past January 20th, and Glenn Beck is crying all of the fucking time. It's very hard to look bad when you're up against people who are painting Hitler mustaches on everything in sight. It probably helps that those shitheels hate Arnold even more than they hate Obama.

Or there could be other hi jinks afoot here. As we all know, Arnold will be forced to bid Sacramento farewell next year because Californians stupidly voted for term-limits. Could it be that the governor is looking for an appointment as Obama's Amusing Accents Czar?